Second Hand Story.

I know this guy, Chris.
He told me this story.
I wish I had gone out that night.

Chris and Jeff went the The Vern one night with some people and as usual everyone got drunk. Late in the evening as everyone was standing outside, this obviously drunk and very mentally retarded chick with her face bleeding, comes up pushing a broken bicycle with wobbly wheels and bent handlebars. (I know, its almost too much to take in all at once. relax and breath.) Somehow they end up in a conversation with the bloody retarded girl, and they find out that she's looking to party, and she wants to REALLY party. I guess they figured that a bloody retarded girl who wants to rage is far too good an opportunity to not exploit in some way. She asks Chris if anyone wants to make out and they proceed to tell the girl that the two guys by a nearby truck are looking to party with her, and she gets all stoked about it, but the two guys by the truck are people we work with and they know nothing of this exchange. Jeff tells her that those two guys wanna get fucked up and make porn flicks with her. She gets super excited and asks what else they are into, so Chris in a moment of utter brilliance tells her, "..those dudes wanna take you home and let you do big lines of coke off their cocks." As soon as she hears this she takes off for the truck on her busted bike. The two poor saps in question are totally oblivious to the drunk, bloody, oversexed retard on a broken bicycle zeroing in on them from across the street. She wobbled her way to the rear of the truck and picked up her bicycle. The two guys never knew she was there until her bike came crashing down from an overhead slam into the truck they were leaning on...and by then it was too late.
She was upon them and she was not going to be denied.

So, that how it is, then?

People are funny if you listen.

regarding Skateboarding:

"anything bigger than 6 feet is too big for the midwest." -K
"..Somebody has to make money from it, you want free [skate]parks?..go back to Oregon." -GS
"Why would i want to go to Skatopia? I skated The Turf. That's just as gnarly." -K
"The town of Whiting Indiana won't let us go back. we're banned. the cops said get out and don't come back." -BP
"You don't like falling down? Get the fuck outta the park, kid." -G

Random Stuff:

"Dude! It's not like i PLANNED on smoking crack under a trailer or anything." -JT
"You totally just got head from a dude in the alley!" -BP
"Hey bitch, wanna make out!? -JT at passing chick
"Sure. should I spit out my gum?" -Her response

HxC shows are lame, but...

The band is R.A.M.B.O, and they are from Philly. The kiddies at these shows lose their fucking minds! Rambo shows are a total riot, literally. The band wears camo and stages huge riot re-enactments with kids in the pit dressed up as Cops vs. Protestors, Cops vs. Vikings, etc...pretty rad.
below is a live clip that illustrates what it's like to be at a R.A.M.B.O show quite nicely.


Yeah, YouTube and I have been bonding lately...I know.

Official Response.

I did not submit it. I didn't even know until after the fact. The color original was the only one i saw beforehand, once, the day it went down. Yeah, it got bagged on..that sucks, I admit. However, it got bagged on due to overprocessing, not cus i'm same lame 30 year old kook trying to be something I ain't. I just skate. Forget about it, magazines are pretty wack, anyhow.
Tomfoolery is a good word, though.

Moving on...

Nigga Wha..?

eBay

The raddest shit can be found on eBay.
only $1,150 cash money spendin' dollars!. I guess it's time to start putting my strange looking money into my happy little piggy's ass..

Jumping

In a stupedously stupid effort to change the Earth's orbit, these folks have decided that the most scientific and reasonable approach is to have everybody jump at one time on the same day...oh yeah, I'm totally serious.

Mug Shots

Holy shit mugshots are funny sometimes.
I don't care..it's still funny.

TORNADO!!

There has been extra hectic weather out here for the last few days. shit has been getting torn up everywhere. Super gnarly lightning storms and thunder coupled with high winds, have resulted in trailer homes all over the state moving to other parts of the state, whether they wanted to or not. we're off to see the wizard..
These folks are bummed.




What were WE doing while all this was going on?

Just living the Stag Life.

nothin' new today

Sunday is for skateboarding. Go Worship at the alter of pain. Tell me how it went. tomorrow is music day, come back then.

Yep.

stolen photo happiness.

I ripped this from MySpace, strictly because it makes me happy. no ulterior motive on this one..just look and contemplate this moment.

Ya' just don't see this anymore.

Traffic Skateboards has a new clip up, Featuring REAL STREET SKATING. I mean actually out in the streets using man's clutter for one's own depraved pleasures. It's refreshing to see the kind of magnum rounds this clip comes loaded with. It's good shit I assure you.

Afterthought: What ever happened to Philadelphia Experiment Skateboards? I only ask 'Cause that guy up top with the big snaps is Brannon John and he used to ride for PE.

Caz's Bowl.

"The best wooden bowl I've ridden in my entire life!"- Peter Hewitt.

One of the best indoor sessions the Northwest ever had is alive and kicking. If you've never ridden it you don't even know how much fun this thing is. Oddly enough it's new home is in a modular playground. Whatever, at least it's shredable again!

"Caz Helmstetters Ramp has been re-born! It's now located in Troutdale Oregon at the B2B Indoor Sports Arena.
We need to rally there, it's a make or break year for indoor skating at this location, so if your driving up to Hood to ride, it's on the way home." --Estes

It's basically done and dwarfs the rest of the johnny modular skatepark..however, there was a bit of a problem during the re-construction when it was discovered that the proper "big ass bowl" permit had not been obtained. Caz is pretty renegade, but for now it sits and waits. Apparently, Caz isn't making friends amongst the BMXicans, either. He has been reported as saying that as the new park manager, he wants BMX "phased out" of the park entirely. One invitation to settle the BMX issue the bareknuckle way, has been extended to Caz so far. Did anyone else see Caz's photo's in Big Brother a few years ago? Motherfucker had a big ass handgun in his belt, and his buddy Jim climbs into cow carcasses. I've personally seen Caz transfer from deep to shallow in that bowl with freshly cut chicken feet flying out of his overalls, and splatting onto the deck. Yeah, biker badass...go ahead and fight this dude. good luck.
Photo from Old Man On A Skateboard. It's a fun read, and cooler than this is. The Honcho on that site, MC, has VIDEO of him skating the bowl when it was in Corbett. I ain't got that kinda action. Go there, when your done here.

MISER. (R.I.P?)

Neuroscience Schralpgnar!
yeah, so MISER is great. I'm not gonna blow a bunch of smoke here about Sparkles and her talent.
Just know that although she may be a mechanized Channel Street Lurk-Bot, she is much smarter than we are, and that's just the way it is.
Steph is Edu-Core. Send her some baubles of worship and she'll send you words on paper. Aahhh, commerce.

NEWS FLASH: looks like she may be over it, entirely. forget it, you can't have one. Instead, just go to the Channel Street link again, aand make a donation this time, you lazy fuck.

Don't wear the Sex Panther.

The paying attention in wood shop award.

I got an old friend who builds ramps in the Pacific Northwest. He's pretty lowkey so We'll just call him "John Miller".
Below you will find some fine examples of his handywork and imagination.
Yeah, I know, It aint concrete and your such a hardcore 'crete cowboy that you sneer at the mere mention of masonite..we get it. But when it rains for 30 days straight, you wouldn't be such a simpering crybaby if you had one of these bitches in the garage.

What The Fuck?

A bit of WTF sickgnar going on over at Crailtap..Check this crazy shit out. Those dudes have the best random daily footage. Paw is a "TapWatcher".

Worst of the Worst?

Bands that are intentionally so terrible thats it's actually painful to listen to, are awesome. Particularly if the Musicians in question are quite talented, but refuse to show it. My pal Stan had a band like that once...It was a 2 piece band and they would just beat the fuck outta the drums and make muted metal chord noise on a guitar while this Jewish dude, Jay, screamed gutterally in combinations of Yiddish and German. It was so fucking awesome, it could clear a student union in minutes..and that's real power.

Well, good news kiddies! If you too like auditory noise that makes you so physically uncomfortable that you want to leave the room, then FuckTard is just what you need.
Plug this ugly bitch into your browser and feel the irritation.
Get fucked with FuckTard.

VT?

Two unnamed vigilante's spent some time under a bridge today...
thats really all anyone needs to know for now.
the space is killer..or so I hear.

Find it, Grind it..

Pool season is upon us here in the STL. if you havent found at least one pool in the next two weeks, your blowin' it.
It don't matter if its got a sissy ledge, a spit gutter or even if its square...just get to lookin'.
Lynch and Lil' Buck are leading the pack as usual.. no police shakedown in crack alley is gonna stop that train.

Bad Behavior

The last month has been big in the bad behavior dept!

Incident #1: Joe Thrillkill is an alchohol fueled telephone terrorist. If you get a phone call in the very early AM and someone cordially says, "nigga cock" just hang up and unplug the phone, cause it aint gonna stop anytime soon.

Incident #2: The residents of the Shit Palace thought buying 3 medium powered air rifles (with scopes!) and 10,000 BB's was a rad idea. they were 100% correct..too bad the first 3,000 shots were fired inside the house. Shattering glass was heard late into the evening, and BB sized welts were dealt to all who dared intervene. Three days of mayhem later the guns were confiscated and haven't been seen since.

Incident #3: With the absence of air rifles to propell the BB's, the folks resorted to throwing them instead. Within minutes the situation had escalated to the point of throwing beer cans and trash. Once again Thrillkill ups the ante and whips a sizeable section of broken skateboard at Bill's head like its a Tron Disc...and it stuck. the blood flowed like a red river. Head wounds rule.

Incident #4: Canadian flyouts at the Belleville park are now being discouraged..harshly. The Nested Ones have taken to policing flyouts by throwing their boards at poo grabbing perpetrators. Incidences of flyouts have declined dramatically in recent weeks. Will direct action against mongo pushers soon follow?

Incident #5: One specific local was overheard talking shit on The Nest, which he had never even ridden. When confronted, he dropped the name everyone loves to blame...Thrillkill. Since he was present for most of the construction and is a resident Nest ripper, Joe was bent way outta shape and a fight at the park almost ensued. Sting dodged a bullet, this time.

This months #1 shit stirrer? Non other than thrillkill, as usual..

Events you need to know about.

Sleestock 2006

The hoods over on the 'Stak are gearing up for mayhem, it seems. There is much talk of an epic session in the merry month of June. Heads from all over the nation will convene in Lincoln City, Oregon and circle their wagons. So, if you are opposed to all sorts of deviant behavior, drunken debauchery, hessian concrete violence or dragonriding..i would suggest staying out of LC on the Third weekend of June.

Bowl Bash XI

The date for Bowl Bash XI has been tentatively set for June 2-3. Bands, set aside that date now to kick in the second decade of Skatopia Mayhem! --Brewce.
"Nuff Said. Be There.

Shit or Shinola?

Either way the STL loses.
In yet another case of stellar incompetence, the Saint Louis YMCA's "skatepark project" is amounting to just about nothing.
The project, headed by a Mr. James Page, is a catastrophic clusterfuck. I guess when you hire a know nothing rollerbooter to be your skatepark director, you get what you get. Mr Page's accomplishments in gayblade world are dodgy at best, but apparently enough to impress the yokel's who run the show at the Y. He has proudly proclaimed, when questioned point blank about his qualifications as a parks director and skatepark advocate, "I've been all over the midwest judging professional rollerblade contests." well, gee willikers i'll be fucked!.. well let's get to diggin' a hole!


The YMCA had accepted a deal with American Eagle and some faggy Ka-Boom/Nickelodeon kiddie outfit to get a modular park. the fucked thing here is that this city's skateboarders are so apathetic that this modular shitpile was considered a step forward..anyway, i digress. The arrangement was to install the modular park (and god help me i helped with that dread installation) and later on, build phase two..a bowl. A real concrete bowl. with pool blocks and shit. confidence was high because the money had already been alotted for the bowl build. Many out of town heads came and went with offers of help, concrete knowledge, direct lines to the big guns of tranny pours, and unlimited advocacy...all went away snubbed. it seemed that James was in over his head and was maybe afraid of losing his new cushy job. As he should be, if this was anywhere else, his ass would be out the door. So, Site Design Group was tapped to do the drawing bit and they came up with four designs. 2 ledge and bank flow courses, and two ledge and bank wonderland's with a separate bowl. already things were getting fucked up. Many asked what happened to the big bowl idea and nobody got any real answers. Everyone was told repeatedly that "things are moving along". The first groundbreaking was scheduled for that summer. so we waited and predictably, it never happened. It's been a couple summers since all this went down and the canvas for the dig is still sitting blank. James puts out an Email now and again, explaining why nothing is happening.

heres an example:
.."I have been working extensively with the contractors who bid on our project to get their price down to what we want. We, at the Y, have also came up with a little bit more money to meet them in the middle. We are just a couple thousand dollar's from reaching an agreement. I'm working with a board member now to get good deal on concrete from Lemay Block. The bid we got from our contractor was $81/yard. If we get this cost down we should make our budget and can get the contracts signed.

If everything goes well construction should begin in March when the ground warms up and the park should open in May. Sorry about the delay but this has been slow and painful process, especially for someone who wants a good skatepark where they work." ..Here is the design for the park. It still has the pool design on this one but it will have to be added on later.
If you have any questions feel free to ask."

James Page
Teen Director
South City Family YMCA
314-644-3100

Well, James.. Lots of folks have questions to ask you.
So what we want to know is...In mid-May why is the fucking ground still unbroken?
It's not cold, in fact we had the mildest winter in probably 15 years...So what's up?
Oh..right..you have no clue what you are doing and nothing is up.
Business as usual in the Derrty-Derrty.

The rumor mill...

A secret spot is coming up in the STL...
indoor 'Crete tranny are the words whispered upon the winds.
what starts with a hole ends with a session, don't ask, don't tell.

Nobody can hear you scream....

..Because they are all Deaf.
Coming from Saint Louis, Deaf Skateboards is some ill shit. Holding down the hearing impaired fort is Brian Werner, an all terrain ripper with a penchant for molesting radial tires and the occasional goat. check it out and buy a board or something.

Old news that still kicks ass

Creature Resurection!

Creature Skateboards is alive and well. The maniacal talents tapped for the resurrection are all killers of the highest order...Nav's, Partanen, Hitz, Horn, Perkins...its fuckin' on!
check out the video, while your there....coffin drops are where it's at.
.

BladerHater.

The boys at Bladerhater are up to no good again. good to know some things never change. The new product catalog is a 'Zine featuring front to back Hitz sketches and good deals.
You can score the unreleased 151 video, "This axe was made to grind", SHED CD's and T-shirts for a mere 13 bucks!
also available are those uberhesh "Haksawz" decks you know you need. get it anyway you can and send em some loot in an envelope. look to the right and over there you'll see a link to SHED on MYSpace..click that and ask real nice for a catalog.
you won't regret it.

88 Acres of Anarchy

Skatopia the movie.



Hell Yeah.
Burning cars, fire, naked people, beer, fireworks and 10,000 frontside grinds. what else matters?

The fine folks at Headlamp Pictures have been at The Farm for several events gathering the goods. Colin and Laurie are working extra hard to show us as we really are...a brotherhood of dirty, camera shy, stumbling drunk goons raging around on skateboards.. It's looking to be quite the gnarfest on celluloid. if you aint stoked, you must skate handrails.
Details can be obtained at 88 acres of Anarchy: Skatopia the Movie or CIA Headquarters