Second Hand Story.

I know this guy, Chris.
He told me this story.
I wish I had gone out that night.

Chris and Jeff went the The Vern one night with some people and as usual everyone got drunk. Late in the evening as everyone was standing outside, this obviously drunk and very mentally retarded chick with her face bleeding, comes up pushing a broken bicycle with wobbly wheels and bent handlebars. (I know, its almost too much to take in all at once. relax and breath.) Somehow they end up in a conversation with the bloody retarded girl, and they find out that she's looking to party, and she wants to REALLY party. I guess they figured that a bloody retarded girl who wants to rage is far too good an opportunity to not exploit in some way. She asks Chris if anyone wants to make out and they proceed to tell the girl that the two guys by a nearby truck are looking to party with her, and she gets all stoked about it, but the two guys by the truck are people we work with and they know nothing of this exchange. Jeff tells her that those two guys wanna get fucked up and make porn flicks with her. She gets super excited and asks what else they are into, so Chris in a moment of utter brilliance tells her, "..those dudes wanna take you home and let you do big lines of coke off their cocks." As soon as she hears this she takes off for the truck on her busted bike. The two poor saps in question are totally oblivious to the drunk, bloody, oversexed retard on a broken bicycle zeroing in on them from across the street. She wobbled her way to the rear of the truck and picked up her bicycle. The two guys never knew she was there until her bike came crashing down from an overhead slam into the truck they were leaning on...and by then it was too late.
She was upon them and she was not going to be denied.